Scariest Halloween…Ever.

I’m writing this because I’m not sure we all realize or appreciate the perfect storm of events that’s happening this weekend. If you’re a parent, this will be the scariest Halloween yet. This only happens a few times in your lifetime (okay, my fact checkers have told me that’s not true, it’s more like every 6-8 years or something, I don’t know how to calculate time with Leap Year thrown in there obviously, and when I tried to use Google to see how often this has occurred all I got was Fox News telling me not to die in a fire tonight and change the batteries in my smoke alarms because an extra hour in the night means an extra hour to die in a horrible fire) and should be viewed with the awe and terror it deserves.

Here’s why you should approach tonight with fear and trembling. You are dressing up your little minion and sending them door to door to fill up with high fructose corn syrup right before bed. This is terrifying in itself, but it’s Halloween, so anything goes. Put your hyped up child to bed, after hours of waiting for them to “come down” from their high. Iff they’re old enough, fill them with Pepto Bismol and leave a bucket by their bed along with a bottle of Gatorade and an aspirin for their impending morning hangover.

If your kids are like mine, they won’t go to sleep until closer to midnight, because candy, and you will tiptoe into their rooms and smile over their sticky faces and fingers clutching their favorite candy, which they can’t let go of because they are covered in a syrupy layer from head to toe. So sweet, sleep tight little minions.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there.

Every parent knows that the end of Daylight Savings Time is the worst day (week) of the year. I found this Canadian article, which puts forth the conspiracy idea that the candy industry is behind this weekend. I believe them.

And I’m pretty sure Daylight Savings Time was designed to torture parents, I mean, I know things like this are usually designed in such a personal matter that I should be personally hurt that my kids are forced to (not) take an extra of sleep and get messed up in their schedules for a week a lifetime. I’ve seen enough parents complaining about this on social media (because WHY have social media if you can’t let everyone else know how miserable you are?) year after year, so I know I’m right.

Here’s why this is terrible. Last year, Tim and I were excited about our “extra hour of sleep.” So naturally, we stayed up an extra two hours, because math, and went to bed with visions of the whole household sleeping until a late hour, then a leisurely breakfast, and angelic children (because you know, an extra hour of sleep can work miracles, probably), dancing in our heads.

Instead. Our kids woke up two hours earlier than usual. Instead of their usual ten hours, they slept eight. If you’re keeping score at home, that means they woke up before 6:00. And they were crabby. We looked at each other, What just happened? Where did this coveted extra hour go?

Oh, and if you’re wondering if they ever adjusted back. They didn’t. And when we got to the spring we had hope that they would start waking up at their usual time. Nope. Even earlier. I blame the government.

This weekend, you guys. This weekend we get the Halloween Hangover (I call that for a band name!) AND the Sleep Schedule Destroyer (again, I call it).  These two together equal the spookiest Halloween you can imagine.

Emily, you might be wondering, what do we do?

The only thing you can do. Vote Republican. This is clearly the fault of the Democrats.

 

On a serious note, if you’re curious how we do Halloween at our house, check out this post from last year, leave me a comment telling me how your family does this holiday, and have a Happy Halloween!

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Last year’s costumes. Batman and Super Cat.

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