This time of year is always hard for me. I struggle with depression in a major way, especially on cloudy, snowy days. I know I’m not the only one. So tonight, let’s talk about it. I want to get it out there.
When I’m at my worst, I feel completely hopeless. Fortunately, I haven’t hit that point of complete despair this winter yet. That level of sadness makes it physically impossible for me to get out of bed. Thank you, God, but I haven’t experienced that in about a year. These days, it’s more mild.
When I’m feeling these blues, it’s paralyzing. I get nothing done. This is because when I start washing dishes, for example, a voice in my head tells me that there is absolutely no point to washing the dishes because they’re just going to get dirty again. I’m going to have to wash dishes tomorrow and the next day, and the next…and the next. It’s crippling. Before I know it, I’m standing at the sink watching the water run down the drain and sobbing at the thought of my own mortality.
Can you relate? How do you deal?
In the past, I’ve tended to isolate myself when this happens. I hide away and don’t leave the house for days. This time, I am purposely doing the opposite.
First of all, it’s almost impossible to not leave the house when my two boys are running circles around the kitchen island. They have to get out. So we do. We go for walks around the block, at the very least. We play at the park. We go grocery shopping. We visit the library. We get out.
Second, I am filling up my calendar even when I don’t feel like it. I’ve realized by now that I absolutely need community. I can’t live without other people speaking truth into my life. This means that even on days when I barely get dressed I still plan on spending time (even 15 minutes chatting in the hallway with a neighbor) connecting with someone I love.
I’m getting better. I know I am. God is good, even when I don’t feel it. He’s slowly healing my soul. I’m encouraged by my friends and family who put up with me even when I’m at my worst and love me anyway. God is faithful.
Are winters hard for you too? How do you handle it? I wanna know.