I was set to have a productive afternoon, including connecting with some of my MOPS mamas, writing a different blog post (which will now have to come later), and listing a ton of eBay items, when my afternoon took a turn for the weird.
Little Guy came out of his room mumbling something about how there was a jewel stuck and he couldn’t get it out. It didn’t take me long to realize that the “jewel” was actually a bead and it was stuck in his nose.
So of course I did what I always do when I’m stumped: I called my mom. No answer. Okay, now what? I called Tim at work, which is usually my next call if Mama doesn’t answer.
Waiting for him to come home from work, I was on hold with our pediatrician’s office and debating whether chopsticks or tweezers would be better for the job at hand when I heard Big Brother’s quiet voice from the upstairs bathroom, “Umm, Mom? I’m so sorry, but I drank this…”
I could hear the imminent tears in his voice so I knew he did something he shouldn’t, but I couldn’t see him. Are you kidding me?? I mentally screamed, like I need an emergency right now!!
Now, this kid is notorious for putting things in his mouth that he shouldn’t, resulting in calls to Poison Control. I was sitting on the couch listening to a terrible version of Beethoven’s Fur Elise coming through my phone, waiting for the nurse to come back on, holding Little Guy who was crying hysterically because he didn’t want to see a doctor, while the bead was getting snorted further and further up his nose, while my eldest may or may not have just poisoned himself.
The only thought I could coherently focus on was,
This is my life.
This wasn’t the first, and won’t be the last time that it’s going to be like this. This is life with boys.
We got Little Guy to the doctor, got the bead out, gave him Batman stickers and a sucker, and all is well. Oh, and Big Brother drank saline solution out of a contact lens container. Which is why I make my own cleaning solutions around the kitchen and bathroom, by the way. I investigated and the worst thing he could have ingested up there was castor oil.
Boys are just weird.