Tim and I tend to look back over certain periods of our life together and give them a name, or a theme. We’ve had several Summer Of The Water Balloons, and one Summer That Shall Not Be Named. I don’t really remember much about that one other than lots of E.R. visits, 60 hour weeks, one emergency surgery, a toddler that never ran out of energy, and so many sleepless nights.
Individually, I try to have a word, or theme to focus on, to form my year around, to give direction to my life and thoughts. I had a year where I focused on the word Redemption, which actually was so overwhelming to me that it stretched into a two-year long meditation and study on that word. I don’t always pick my word at the beginning of the year. Sometimes the word just comes to me, sometimes I find out halfway through the year that God has repeatedly been putting the same thing in my path.
2014 was the year of Rest. I didn’t know it until well into the year. I was still living in the Grace from the previous year and continually struggling to stay in the light instead of succumbing to the darkness of depression that oppresses me so often. Someone wiser than I told me that they felt like God was telling me that it was okay to rest. Just rest.
That blew my mind. Rest? I don’t want to rest, I have to do something or I’ll never find healing. But I kept hearing it, and reading it, and speaking it over and over. God wanted me to rest in him. One of my favorite Psalms reads, “Be still [or cease striving], and know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10).
Be still. Cease striving. Stop fighting. Rest.
And so I did. I quit struggling to heal myself. When I felt like I was on the edge of falling into the blackness I stopped struggling. I don’t need to fight, Jesus has already won the battle for my soul. It’s done. Finished. I can rest in that.
As I look ahead into 2015 I’m thinking about what I want our family to be. I was challenged by my Juice Plus team leader to come up with a word for the year to focus on, which is why I’m putting more effort into choosing my focus instead of letting it come to me. I think my focus for this year is going to be Healing.
I’m feeling better than I have in several winters. It’s time to continue healing from depression.
We’ve lived in Denver for over a year. It’s time to find healing in the stability of a home and church where we are committed.
Tim and I are being intentional about our family. It’s time to find grace and healing from years of barely surviving and to start thriving. What do we eat? What do we wear? Where do we give our money/time/resources?
Healing. Jehovah Rapha. The Lord is My Healer.
What will you do with your year? Where will your focus be?