Ask Me Anything (Or Not)

One thing about becoming a mother is that you lose some dignity in the process, and I wonder if all of you mothers out there can attest to this. Even to get the child out of your body requires a loss of privacy in a huge way. I always say, “I’ve given birth; I’ve nothing left to hide.” And after the babe is out you must give up other things like showers, clean clothes, and the right to your breasts. My kids are 4 and 2 and I still am covered in hand-shaped stains most days.

Something that surprised me though, about being a parent is that other people seem to think it’s okay to ask you or tell you anything. I’m not easily offended by the questions or not-sought-after, spontaneous advice that I receive on a regular basis; I’m just surprised by it.

It started when I was pregnant with my Big Brother. People I barely knew wanted to know whether he was a boy, girl, or velociraptor. Not really a big deal, I loved being pregnant and was eager to talk about my growing belly, er, boy.

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See? This is me not being offended. It’s hard to offend someone who unashamedly eats two ice cream cones at the same time.

But there were also other questions, “Was he planned?” Granted, I was still a full-time student so getting pregnant was definitely NOT in our plans, but honestly, why was it their business? At first, I was usually so taken aback that I answered, “Um, no not exactly.”  (Soon, I wisened up and answered back, “No, were you?”) A few brave souls even took it to the next level and wanted to know what happened. How did we accidentally become pregnant? At this point I brought out a pad and paper to draw an anatomical diagram because seriously, if you’re an adult and you don’t know how babies are made? You’re welcome.

Right now I get a lot of questions centered on when our next child is coming. Now hear me, if you’re my friend and you know me on a close level, please ask! That’s what friends do. I won’t be offended, I promise, because we’re friends. But if you barely know me, watch out. You might find yourself on the receiving end of a sex talk. With pictures.

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