Sam’s Club

Oh Sam’s Club. I’m so torn over you. You represent so much of what I despise. And yet, I still shop at your cavernous warehouse of goods. Groupon made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. I had been longing for a way to buy bulk, but was still unsure whether I wanted in on your big business.

Walmart is on my list of top ten places I would rather visit the dentist than go to. (Note to self: that’s a post that needs to be written.)

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And yet I still find myself drawn to you. Is it the samples? Today: smoothies, taquitos, chocolate covered pretzels, apples, oranges, ham, biscuits, and pie among others. Free pie. Yes, Free Pie. (Such a good thing that it needs to be said twice and capitalized.)

Probably your biggest draw, Samuel Walton, is the chicken. Sweet, rotisserie chicken. $4.88 for a whole chicken? You must be joking! And it’s fully cooked too? Yep, no washing, fat-trimming, seasoning required. Just pick it up, take it home, and eat the whole thing while the family naps prepare it for supper with a nice salad.

And so we became a Sam’s Club family. We came home today with bulk oatmeal, pancake mix, cheese, and grapes. (Which incidentally, are the four main food groups this family consumes.) My local-shopping, small-business-loving, Walmart-loathing self died a little inside.

But where else can you buy a mattress, strobe light, shrimp, and coconut oil by the barrel all in the same place?

Do you shop at Sams?

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